Confused state of mind

Wow, yet another long time since I've updated. I rly should update more often;would probably help me in a way. Atm I'm rly confused, dont know whats wrong w/me. I mean, dont get me wrong, my life is great, kids are healthy and growing. What more could I ask for? I guess thats whats wrong w/me. Is it life's too good and I'm looking for more, or is it something is really bothering me and I just can't put my finger on it? It's no one else, not my kids or my husband...just me. I hope this doesn't come across as sounding selfish, bc thats the last thing I'm feeling, but...I don't know, I feel like b/c I'm always busy taking care of the kids or cleaning the house, or dealing w/finances that I am coming in last. I know I know, thats the mothers spot, always last. I knew that when I became a mother. And that isnt whats bothering me, I just wish sometimes I could go back to a few yrs ago, to a time that just "felt" right to me. Things seemed so nice then. Is it maybe so much stress was dumped on me, that I don't know how to really be happy? I mean truly happy, like let go of stress and just be for a minute? Or does stress just do that to you? I wish I knew what to do to get to that "place" of happiness for me. My days in this house are so monotonous. Same thing, day in day out. It's getting old, yet how to shake it up, you know change it so its different? Money is pretty tight, and will be for a while, like as in a few more years, but even then, you shouldn't need money to make you happy. Yeah I'm not dumb, I know it helps situations out at times but c'mon, I want to be happy w/out having to have monetary needs. I know a lot of my problem is my weight. I'm always thinking...wondering about ways to lose weight and look great. Its a huge thing thats weighing on me atm. Life shouldn't be that way. Why can't I just go w/the flow and have fun w/it?

Wii Fit

Travis finally let me get the Wii Fit, I LOVE it!!! Then I bought the Jillian Michael's Ultimatum 2010, or somethin like that. It is HARD!!! Woo, my booty, legs and arms are hurtin!! I mean REAL bad! And if you don't do one of the moves right, she'll hound you and say youre wasting her time lol. But on the other hand if you do it right she'll say "you rock", "beautiful", or "perfect"..lol. I strived to do my best. I did over 80% on all the exercises!! Woot!

I am trying to cut back on my food too. I am so tired of being at this weight!!! I need some major motivation. I know the only way to lose the weight is to really just buckle down and do it. I need a coach! lol! I can do it! Well hey I'm officially in size 12 jeans now! I was hangin on my 14's, but NO MORE! So I know I must be doin somethin right. It's been takin me about 3 months at a time to lose a size, if I could just keep workin out EVERY day I would get there even faster!! That's one of the reasons I got the Wii Fit, Its sooo fun! It keeps me goin. I have plenty here to do. I have all kinds of videos, the wave, turbo jam, ybb, so much. There is really no excuse! I always say I never have time and I let my kids be my excuse. I really need to quit doing that!!

June 09

I am back on track. I'm so very proud of myself! Been exercising every day consistently for a few weeks now, now it's more of a routine or habit I guess you could call it. Mostly have been doing Leslie's videos, but sometimes I'll throw something else in there like Yoga Booty Ballet or a Denise workout. But Leslie's the Queen right now lol! I am pretty inspired right now. I really want to lose this weight. It's so funny b/c even though I haven't lost a ton, I have lost 2 sizes already, even though I'm close to the same weight I was. And after I had Austin I lost the weight but I couldn't fit into the sizes I am now. I guess it's muscle? I mean I've lost about 8 inches so far and am close to my pre-pregnancy size. I also think I look a lot better than I did after I had Austin and lost all weight. Just goes 2 show u that exercise does make a difference in the way you look. U could eat all the healthy foods u wanted and reduce u're calorie intake, you still won't look as good though if u don't exercise. Well anyways, just my opinion on it lol.

Wednesday

This week has been busy! Things are going ok, but yesterday my "routine" was all blown away. So trying again today...my emotional stress is really taking a toll on me. We are doing soooo poorly financially. WHEN WILL THINGS GET BETTER?! We're surviving, but barely. It's sooo hard. Oh well. I just wish we could get some sort of miracle. I know through these hard times I really have to lean on GOD and just learn to let him help. B/C w/out Him, I can't.

Breakfast: Egg, glass of 2% milk

Monday

Exercise: Sizzler (35 min. interval/cardio w/weights), 15 min. toning-abs, legs

Breakfast: Grilled cheese sandwich/2 tbsp salsa, 1 piece of jerkey
Lunch: 1 hot dog w/mustard, 1/2 c. baby red potatoes


Just woke up from a nap, Austin is still napping so I'm drinking some chocolate milk...hey it's ok, its 2% milk lol! No seriously I'm doing good today. Yesterday I was just depressed and Travis could tell and I asked him for help, b/c I can't keep going on like that, it would make me sooo unhappy. So he and I sat down and talked and today I feel much better. I'm trying some things he suggested and so far today they are working so today I'm pretty happy.

something to stick with...

having trouble again w/my lack of exercise motivation. Don't we all? Well anyways, I realize my problem,I do..it's just hard sometimes to keep that inspiration alive. Soo I'm going to start jotting things down everyday to stay accountable. It's spring break right now, but only a couple more days and hopefully by then I'll be back and ready to go. I am doing better today. Last nights disgustment was enough lol...naa, it wasn't THAT bad, but ya know, we are our own worst critic. So, here's to bein sexy!!

My daughter...

She has had weight issues for a long time now, it was ok for a time so we just thought 'welll...a growth spurt?", but Travis and I have both been noticing that she just keeps putting on weight. She's not active or anything..so that kinda adds to it. The other morning before school I had a heart to heart w/her. She is 112 now...and considering her height, she's overweight. I knew it, well we both knew it, but it's just something we didn't want to have to encounter. Anyways I had a talk w/her, and she asked me if she could do some of my workouts that I have and I told her yes, that would be a great start! And she said she was going to make good food choices at school. Soooo....yesterday she came home and did a Denise Austin dance video!!! I was sooooo proud of her!! She told me that if she lost two lbs this week she was going to get herself a pedometer...she really seems excited about it! I just don't want her having health issues. I am trying to do somethings w/her so she'll stay motivated. She don't like being outside, I don't have a problem w/that, but there's no activity inside. She said she'd rather do dance workouts than be outside...well that's ok w/me. I just want her to be active, and healthy. I want her to have a long life, a joyful one. I don't want people teasing her,b/c they already are. I want the best for her! SOoooo here's to my babydoll!!!