Confused state of mind

Wow, yet another long time since I've updated. I rly should update more often;would probably help me in a way. Atm I'm rly confused, dont know whats wrong w/me. I mean, dont get me wrong, my life is great, kids are healthy and growing. What more could I ask for? I guess thats whats wrong w/me. Is it life's too good and I'm looking for more, or is it something is really bothering me and I just can't put my finger on it? It's no one else, not my kids or my husband...just me. I hope this doesn't come across as sounding selfish, bc thats the last thing I'm feeling, but...I don't know, I feel like b/c I'm always busy taking care of the kids or cleaning the house, or dealing w/finances that I am coming in last. I know I know, thats the mothers spot, always last. I knew that when I became a mother. And that isnt whats bothering me, I just wish sometimes I could go back to a few yrs ago, to a time that just "felt" right to me. Things seemed so nice then. Is it maybe so much stress was dumped on me, that I don't know how to really be happy? I mean truly happy, like let go of stress and just be for a minute? Or does stress just do that to you? I wish I knew what to do to get to that "place" of happiness for me. My days in this house are so monotonous. Same thing, day in day out. It's getting old, yet how to shake it up, you know change it so its different? Money is pretty tight, and will be for a while, like as in a few more years, but even then, you shouldn't need money to make you happy. Yeah I'm not dumb, I know it helps situations out at times but c'mon, I want to be happy w/out having to have monetary needs. I know a lot of my problem is my weight. I'm always thinking...wondering about ways to lose weight and look great. Its a huge thing thats weighing on me atm. Life shouldn't be that way. Why can't I just go w/the flow and have fun w/it?